A tale of Lagos Traffic Jam a.k.a Go-Slow

I've been waiting for a perfect day to write about this but from all indications with regards to my schedule there is never a perfect time except now. Maybe the traffic jam a.k.a go-slow got me all overwhelmed leaving me exhausted to write at all.

Lagos. The commercial nerve centre of Nigeria. The centre of excellence. The city that never sleeps I call it. I can tap myself on the chest and say all the Nigerian tribes (250+) are represented in this city (It is actually a state but the commercial nature of it has turned it to what looks like a single city.) Come to think of it, Lagos is the smallest state in Nigeria yet the most populated!

Down to the real deal. Once you visit Lagos the first thing you will notice is the bustling city amidst heavy vehicular traffic - better go-slow I tell you. It might interest you to know that an average Lagosian spends about 6 hours in traffic everyday. Wake as early as 4am and get home as late as 11pm. What a life! Did I hear you scream? Not alone, about a good number have either their breakfast, lunch or dinner in a moving vehicle. I can feel you shaking your head now, but that is the truth.

As much as everyone detest the traffic jam, myself especially (taking up the ferries, boats and the popular okada as means of escape) it has turned to a lot of fun for many. Lasgidi can never lack innovative ways of doing things - good or bad. Okay let me explore them. Warning: Laughter might tear you stomach ooooo! Hahahaaas!!

1) Pinging, Tweeting, Facebooking, Chatting things - This happens to be the favorite ish you see while in traffic jam. Driver and drivee doing their thing. As blackberries became an everybody affair what do you expect, crazy updates - "This traffic na die", "LATSMA dey craze o!" "This lady beside me is annoying" Abeg who ask una for these updates. Funny enough the driving pingers have an eye on their phone and the other on LATSMA or KAI or Police and the 3rd eye on what is happening around them.

2) Better sleeping or lost in thoughts - This is the most interesting especially for the passengers. Most have made the popular BRT, Danfo and Molue that short sleep session zones. See better dozing na. The drivers also do same. Carzy I tell you, only Baba God dey protect. The funniest parts are those situations where you see a driver totally lost in thought and the traffic in him moves but he's still there, sitting and mopping. Next in line is a loud honk of the horn of vehicles behind with rains of abuses - were, oloshi, olodo, foolish man move forward, if u no sabi drive u no go go park that car! Ah! how will I forget those furious nose pickers, seriously dialing the ringers in their noses. Hahahaaaaas!

3) The crazy eat outs - Gala, pure water, bottle water, lacasera, viju milk, coke ... keep naming them you'll buy them and see people concentrating and eating. Oh, I forgot to mention kpekere (package and unpackaged), mamaput, chinchin. Lagidi will never stop to amaze me oo! For many the traffic jam is there own Alaba market.

4) Make up - On those early mornings when the rush is at its peak you'll find them ladies seriously dabbing their powder pads on their faces, eyeliners and lip glosses getting on the right spots. Accuracy and precision is needed here, please note that all the ladies involved here are experts. No mistakes at all. Y'all heard me right.

5) DJing and Horn honking - For the very bored and frustrated drivers all you hear is loud music playing. Even with your own headphones on you could hear these sounds clearly. These songs might be bunch of irritating bruhhaahhahaaha.. Other drivers find their solitude by continuously and repeatedly honking their horns.

6) BJ and Kissing - Did I see your mouth wide open. For the kissing part it's very normal and common. If you are a popular night traffic dweller you'll always notice a lady's head down on the driver's thigh, with that up and down movement. Sometimes I wonder what will happen if the man driving was approaching cloud 9.

7) Toasting - Very common one again. A chic being toasted while sitting in a bus. Jeezz, the annoying parts are those situations where the girl is freaking tired with only her bed on her mind and a guy is asking silly questions. Hahahahaahs! See vexation on the babe's mind na. Funny enough after a rude response to the guy making advances at her you will still see another guy in that same bus still making passes at her. Well I've come to conclude that inside buses men tend to have higher testosterone levels. The craziest are the inter-car toasting. A guy in his guy toasting a babe in another car. Seriously. Gidi na die.

I've written that I don't think I remember more but for sure I know more exist. Even with all these wahala Lagos is still a city every Nigerian wants to be associated with. Lagos! Eko o ni baje ooo!

Please kindly share your own traffic jam experiences. Thanks y'all.